I've realized that since we moved here 9 months ago, only one person has ever invited us over for a play date (w/out me initiating/suggesting it or helping plan it). This all hit me this morning as I sent an email out to all the mama's I know asking if they would like to join Grace and I at the museum for a last minute play date. It hit me that I desired deeply to be on the receiving end of one of those emails. To feel included. Wanted. Needed.
My heart just longs for honesty, deep, meaningful relationships.
"Sometimes it's hard to be a woman." Tammy Wynette
In a small town there is not much to do. Cliques have already been established (so not fond of cliques-didn't participate in HS and refuse to do it as an adult). It can be a vary lonely place. I was blessed by moving to not have to work these last few months so I made sure to get involved in bible study, small group, story time, etc. which allowed Grace & I to be surround by many wonderful people and feel greatly involved. Plus being a planner by nature I tend to plan and ask other mom's if they want to do things with us so that keeps us having fun and staying connected as well.
However, I only have three more months to do things with my mama friends before I go back to work and my life was like it was 9 months ago; Working and then spending most afternoons alone as everyone else is play date(ed) out. This is probably why my mind is circling with extra thoughts this morning.
Time is ticking. I am going to miss this special time with them and with my girl. But, I also think--if I haven't been included in things up to this point what is going to happen when I have to take myself out of the day to day stuff that kept me in weekly contact with these people--are we (Grace & I) going to get forgotten about?
Oh the questions that run through our minds as women.
I am such a big believer in sticking together as moms. Including even the mom that no one else wants to include, the mom who has the kid who's a little harder to handle. Reach out to the shy mom who's insecure. We need to be a Motherhood! We need to take care of each other. Watch each others kids. Offer assistance when needed. Be a shoulder to cry on. I just have this vision of everyone working together, thinking of each others needs, taking care of one another.
I have some wonderful mom friends-some moms who are just like this (Praise God). They are spectacular; spectacularly unique and special. And, for the first time I am surround by many moms with the same values that Loren & I hold to be true. It's a beautiful thing. This post is definitely not about not having friends because I have been blessed beyond measure.
....but about the need to feel desired.
I am reading Captivating and it touches on a woman's need to be desired. I feel very desired by my husband in many ways but I didn't think I would have this strong of a desire for relationships with friends. It's amazing.
"To be desired, to be pursued by one who loves you, to be someones priority? Most of our addictions as women flare up when we feel that we are not loved or sought after. At some core place, maybe deep within, perhaps hidden or buried in her heart, every woman wants to be seen, wanted and pursued." Captivating
John and Stasi Eldredge
Do you desire to be desired?
Have you ever felt left out as a mom? a friend?
Have you ever felt alone or left out even while being surrounded by people on a regular basis?
**I write this knowing that I am not the only one who has ever felt this or asked themselves these questions. I want you to know that you are not alone. To be honest, my life is full! My life is joyful! I love my life. But, I am human-have human thoughts, worries, doubts. Life as a wife, a mom, a female is such a vast and versatile thing-a beautiful thing as it's how God created us to be. As hard as it can be at times I am grateful to desire things so deeply-so deeply at times that it *hurts*-to know that God deeply desires my heart, your heart and yearns for us more than we yearn for any relationship.
"After years of hearing the heart cry of women, I am convinced beyond a doubt of this: God wants to be loved. He wants to be a priority to someone. How could we have missed this? From cover to cover, from beginning to end, the cry of God's heart is, "Why won't you choose me?" It is amazing to me how humble, how vulnerable God is on this point. "You will find me," says the Lord, "when you seek me with all your heart" (Jer. 29:13). In other words, "Look for me, pursue me--I want you to pursue me." Amazing. As Tozer says, "God waits to be wanted."
-Captivating
John and Stasi Eldredge
-Wow-
Change of heart-GO!
So, more so than desiring honesty, deep, meaningful relationships with friends (which isn't a bad thing at all), I need & want to desire God to that extent as well--and first and foremost.
-Love-
I love how I start a post about one thing and at the end God speaks to my heart and turns my thoughts around and changes me from with in.
Done.
Now, I leave you with: Happy Thursday & a great big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Brooke!!!! One of the most amazing people I know!
I pray your day is full of deep meaningful desires that God fulfills in beautiful ways that surprise you moment by moment.
And, to those friends how have included us, invited us over, loved on us and made us feel special-thank you! You know who you are. Our lives are richer and more full because of you! I pray that you feel as loved as you have made us feel.
I think you should not worry. Someone has to be the 'planner'. I'm the playdate planner for the most part with my group of friends, with a few exceptions. For playground playdates, it pretty much goes without question that I take the boys to the playground or for a bike ride everyday, so when I'm heading out, I just let everyone know via FB or a text. (so, I'm not talking about the playdates where AJ goes to friend's house without me or a friend comes over to our place - as those are 50/50).
ReplyDeleteBut I never think of it as not being invited by others. Some of my friends are just homebodies. They're not going out with all these other moms and leaving me out, they're just at home and need my kick in the pants to get them out. Other friends of mine have many close friends and spread the love evenly between them. And other friends just aren't planners.
Try not to take it personally. Think of it instead as being the 'playdate planner'. Otherwise, everyone else would forget to do it.
I love you. You so get it all the time. You so takes things straight from my brain and put them to..."paper".
ReplyDeleteI often feel like this. and then i get insecure about being told the no too many times. And maybe I'm asking too much. and maybe I'm trying too hard. And maybe people don't really want to be around me (us).
And man alive when i DO get an invite? I freaking jump for joy. I try not to jump too eagerly with excitement.
So I get it. I so get it. I could write the whole thing you wrote again and again. That desire to be desired. <3 you. So wish you were closer I so miss you. even if i am still happy for the positives that have come for you and your family I so miss your guts.
I just put the casual invite out there. If people see the message and want to come, they do. If they don't feel like it, then they don't. I would never think of it as someone not wanting to hang out with me, just that they don't feel like going to a playground at that particular time.
ReplyDeleteWhen it comes to playdates as houses with other moms, those are few and far between until the summer, when all of us teachers are off and spend many a day in Jen's backyard where the pool is. Dexter still naps everyday, so I tend to just ask one of AJ's friends to be dropped off at our house after preschool (or I bring the kid back to our house) so that AJ has someone to play with during Dexy's nap. I don't usually invite the mom in because I look forward to having that time to get something done at home. But, in the afternoon, I'll often head out impromtu and just message whoever I think of to come along if they'd like. I don't wait for answers back, and I don't often call. I just put it out there, and whatever.